I've been thinking a lot lately and I think I have finally figured out why I, first of all, don't cry anymore and, secondly, am a silent guy.

I think it's because of my youth. In my youth I was always quite an easy target for bullying, because I would cry pretty easily, but was very forgiving at the same time (even though forgiving isn't quite the right description). I also was quite different from the rest, which I will always be. At a certain point something must have snapped and now I feel like I shouldn't look weak to anyone. This is why I don't cry anymore.

There has been a minor side-effect to this personality-change. I haven't been able to express most, if not all, of my feelings for quite some time now. But I haven't noticed this up untill now. It seems all my feelings get stored away and now I seem to understand that a bit more. This has made me even more of a silent type than I already was, when I was young.

It seems that these feelings are stacking within me. This also means that, eventually, I will burst. I wonder what will happen when I do. Of course that fully depends on the situation I'm in at that time, but I'm placing my bets that it won't be a happy time, especially for the one who causes me to snap.

There is a lot that people don't know about me. My family probably knows less about me than my friends. And even my friends don't know that much about me. I don't even know why I'm writing this now. I wait for the day that my tears flow again, yet I am afraid of that day. I am afraid of what I might be able to do. So for now, I will remain silent.